Saturday, June 29, 2013

My Way

A few weeks ago I found myself in the fetal position, poised on my right side tears spilling from my eyes, shuddering under the weight of my own condemnation and uncertainty.  And this picture’s not new to me.  I’ve always wrestled with the concept of God’s sovereignty and my responsibility.

Maybe you’ve never found yourself on the high-wire of God’s sovereignty and your responsibility?  But I have and I can tell you it’s a place where even the great Wallendas would find unnerving.  For at that place one faces the enigmatic juxtaposition of who is really in charge of any given destiny.  It’s a question that’s been argued from ages past and will be for ages to come.  And it’s never easily answered on a Sunday or Wednesday night.

Much like King David in the Bible, I’ve always had a deep fear of presuming upon God’s grace, let alone anyone else’s (Psalm 19:13 KJV).  So that’s the platform I’m working from.  I never want to presume that I can rest upon God or anyone else, to the exclusion of my own responsibility or fidelity.  I do desire as David did, not to be found guilty of the great sin of presumption.  For therein lays the challenge to the Cross.  How much of this is me, versus how much of Him?

For as I lay there on my side I whispered these words in prayer:  “Jesus I feel like I’ve lost My Way.”
Within minutes a holy response flooded my heart and mind.  I believe God said:  “You have… and that’s good my son.”  What?  Seriously, what did He say?  It’s good to lose My Way?

Like dough proofing becoming ready for the holy fire of His divine oven, something dawned on me that could only have come from His sovereignty heart.  My struggle is not, nor ever will it be with a particular vice or avarice, but with Isaiah’s prophetic declaration over all of humanity.  We all “like sheep have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way; but the Lord has caused the iniquity of us all to fall on Him” (Isaiah 53:6 NASB).

There it is.  The problem: My Way.  You see, none of us will be found guilty and standing on the edge of hell because of any one particular vice or avarice, but we will be found guilty of doing things our own way.  Elvis was wrong.

Can you get your mind around this truth?  At any given moment there are only two ways to travel in life.  Two parallel lanes to travel, one lane is God’s and one is mine.  If I travel in God’s lane, regardless of my failings or my degree of humanity I will end up in Life eternal.  But if I travel in my lane, despite any presumption upon grace and religion, I will end up in death eternal.  Always keeping in mind, there is a way that seems right unto man, but in the end it leads to death (Proverbs 14:12; 16:25).

So there I lay; hearing my own words on losing my way, and then hearing the divine echo of His words telling me that my condition was good.  For as I found the due reality of my own way and loss; I found the true reality of His willful and deliberate gain – through His loss.  Unlike mine that was wrenched from my hand, He willingly gave it all.

If and when I finally come to the place of accepting that My Way is most often the worst way, it is then that I will tumble into the best way – His Way.  Get it?

I’m a real wussy when it comes to uncertainty and the vague unknowns of an emerging horizon line of life.  But one thing I am not: a man willing to lie about his heart and experience in Christ or life.  For my inner man cannot be calmed nor subdued with mere Christian cliché or bravado, but truth alone about myself and Him are the only waters to slake a thirsty and honest soul (Psalm 51:6).

My Way – losing it just may have been the BEST thing I’ve ever lost.  And you?


  1. Good stuff, very deep....Put on your scuba gear:)
    Sometimes Gods ways are like sitting in a dental chair. So uncomfortable and its all we can do to sit there and we wish we were somewhere else, but afterwards it feels so much better once the decayed tooth is removed or repaired.

  2. you are invited to read my blog

  3. I myself have felt misled by the christian doctrine that teaches maturity from a worldly perspective. As if we are supposed to grow up and be handed the "reins to our lives" by our Creator. The Messiah was clear that we must be as children in our faith and adults in our obedience. He does not want us to be child-like in our obedience (or lack there of). I am finding that growing up and taking responsibility means being man enough to admit that I have been bought, purchased like a slave, sealed with a blood covenant and "my way" no longer exists. My duty and responsibility is to listen and take orders. No more goal setting, no more planning, just plain old vanilla obedience. Listening intently for the voice of my Master and doing only what He says to do. Easier said than done (I understand) but the more I confess that as my heart's desire, the easier it gets. Good words my friend, I pray you find peace quickly... be lost with Him and in Him.