Friday, March 18, 2011

To Shave or Not To Shave

Many a wayward man has let his facial hair grow beyond reason, but not I. I mean, I’m not wayward, albeit I love Kansas’ song “Carry on My Wayward Son”. Nonetheless, I don’t think my goatee is beyond reason.

I mean if I had some growth or chin deformity, no one would challenge the existence of six inch hair from my chin to cover my shame. So why is it an issue now? Okay, I admit it gets in my food and my food sometimes gets in it, and I did get it caught in a Dremel tool one day. That was really bad. And I almost got it caught in a ¾ inch hammer drill, but hey, life can be dangerous.

So here’s my thought on the subject. I post all sorts of things on my Facebook page, and I post many if not all the blogs I write, most of which are deep and meant to provoke thought or action. And what’s crazy is, most people don’t comment. Now granted my blogs are often lengthy and sometimes wild spins on what’s happening in my heart and head at the time, but nonetheless I believe most are worthy of consideration. Yet one simple question regarding my goatee and at least 58 responses were posted.

I find it laughable that so many people hold an opinion about my facial hair. Maybe I should ask if I should shave my back hair. Oh I’m no preemie ape, but I do have these tufts of hair on my shoulder blades that look like undeveloped wings.

Anyway, the number one reason why I will shave my goatee, if I shave my goatee, is because I hate taking the time to shave around it. I prefer shaving in the shower and I just can’t do that with this extension of protein growing from my chin.

One drawback about cutting it; I’ll get carded going into biker bars. I look so young. At least with the goatee, I’ve got an in with the Amish and the tattooed biker crew, but if I cut it off then I’ll look like every other prepubescent wannabe AG minister, and I’m not sure if I can go back there again.

As for what I think of it, I like it. Sarah’s told me it makes me look like a bad @$$ and that’s not all bad. I mean if I hang out in the East Village or Fong’s Pizza everybody just gives me the obligatory nod of approval. I like that. I just can’t seem to bring myself to wearing the blue suit and wingtips anymore. Although we did buy a Buick La Sabre this last year, not because it looks pastoral, but because it was a great buy. But as rides go, I’d prefer a VW Beetle or a Ford E150 Van. I do have the van, and I used to drive a yellow bug, but I think the goatee has become an entity in and of itself. It’s even got its own website and Facebook fan page.

How can I say goodbye to such a close friend? How can I say goodbye to possibly the one and only thing I’m known for? God alone knows why my preaching and writing haven’t garnered interest like my chin hair has, so maybe it’s not all bad. Who knows, it might look good on a book jacket someday. I mean Gordon Fee has a killer goat. And C. Everett Koop just keeps pushing his chin hair on the world while he tells us smoking is killing us.

One of my favorite repeat clients told me I looked like Jeremiah the prophet. She’s just a year older than me, so I wonder how she knew him. Although she used to be a Catholic nun so maybe she had an inside track? Anyway, I’m flattered that so many people have taken the time to post a response as to whether I should cut it or not.

So while you all await my decision, consider my position on this whole matter. One final reason I like it is because so many people don’t. It’s as simple as that. Now granted if my job depended upon me cutting it, then of course I’d get a different job. But since my job is not contingent upon my cutting it, I might not cut it. I just don’t know.

To Shave or Not To Shave… that is the question.


  1. john millwood3/18/11, 10:02 PM

    good luck on your decision

  2. There may be some who simply read your blogs without posting a comment.