Thursday, January 2, 2014

The Day I Disbelieved

I cannot tell you through joint experience whether God exists or not.  What I can tell you is we are in the polarity of two worlds; belief vs. disbelief.

I think it was Francis Shaffer who challenged us to live within that tension.  And countless other theologians challenged us to dissect the two.  But what I now believe is that we are called, within the world of the visible, to believe and die for the invisible.  Few of which are able to muster the grit or soul courage to march into such conflict of reason.

Because what God has called us to is less than reason, but faith.  And faith is nothing less than magic.  And we are taught to suspect magic, but not logic.  So excuse me while I beg the pardon of logistic dialectic theologians.  Because I believe God is real.  But I like card tricks too.

What I struggle with is the Imago Dei that has been defaced by doubt and fear.  For if and when a lie is planted, we fall drastically towards the watershed of logic, which has been planted in our hearts to protect us from magic.  Ergo the crazy religious cycle of grid lock.

Please pause for a moment with me and confess: I do not believe.  And couple that confession with: yet I need you God.  And as we own up to our failure to believe we receive faith to BELIEVE.  Crazy isn't it?  Get it?

I love Jesus.  But I’ve never met Him skin to skin, eye to eye.
Can love be the basis for relationship?  Well I suppose so, because I've loved and it’s been the basis of relationships in the past; but what about God?

Can you in this very moment say aloud; “Father God I struggle to believe that you exist, because my life circumstances are so painful that life feels like you don’t care?”  I mean if God loves me, shouldn't life “feel” better?

Where are you God?  You (if you are God) know the times I've stood in my 32x32 inch fiberglass shower in the basement of my house and cried out God?  I thought you came to make things better?

But now in my life I realize that He did not come to make things “better” but He came to give me access out of what progressively will get worse (sorry to all you Amillennialists).  And that access “out” is by truth.  For every time I embrace a lie my life feels like crap; especially if I’m trying to live for Him.

So I ask you… do you believe what He says?  Or are you in the ditch of disbelief where you wrestle with magic or logic?  Because Paul the apostle told us we are to take captive every thought that presents itself as logical.  And God is NOT about logic and law.  He is about Spirit and Grace.

Is this the day you confess disbelieved?  Or at least admitted your disbelief?  What are you afraid of; God getting ticked off that you struggle with belief or what?

Join me in the confession of faith that says: Lord I cannot believe… unless you impart faith that I may believe.

That, my dear reader, is the power of disbelief...  As we confess our humanity in disbelief, God imparts something.  He imparts an “ear” to hear where there was not an ear.  And as by His grace He provides an ear to hear… faith comes.  But we MUST confess our deafness and our disbelief.

Fear not, for He realizes that we struggle.  Cry out… call out… speak now even your disbelief.  For an honest heart is what He is seeking; a heart that declares the truth of its OWN condition.  Not a perceived religion or bravado.

Join me in The Day of Disbelief.  To God be the glory!

Day 2 of 2014 - RAK

No comments:

Post a Comment